“If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent."
~Bette Davis
In the course of my work at a private university college, I had on many occasions came across cases of teenage-parent conflict, most often because these teenagers felt their parents were being too strict with them and they therefore either turn even more rebellious or refused to communicate with their parents.
As such, when I came across an article in an online media in support of Tok Guru Nik Aziz’s recent outburst and call for action to settle PAS' internal problems, using caning by parent as an example, I couldn’t resist reproducing it here as it was so reflective of one of the main problems plaguing children-parent relationships. It is not only about caning but also other forms of punishments that parents may impose on their child for any wrongdoings or over-indulgences. Unfortunately, I am unable to credit the author as he did not put down his name. I hope if he happens to come across this, he will not mind that I’ve used part of his article here, but happy that it did at least strike a chord, albeit for a different reason. I have only extracted relevant parts of his article and made minor changes.
“Who feels the most pain when a parent is forced to cane their own child? The parent? Or the child?
As a parent ourselves, we know pretty well that each stroke of rotan that strikes our child feels like a knife cutting through our heart - just like the saying, ‘Hit on your flesh, pain in my heart.’ Unfortunately, most of the time, we have to accept the fact that our children will not able to understand that the physical pain that they have to endure is way less than the emotional pain we have to suffer for caning them.
But, as a parent, we have to stay strong and do the right thing for our children even though it is painful for us to do so. Punishing or scolding our own child is always for the better good with a hope that our children will learn from their mistakes and excel in their life even when we are no longer around.
We certainly wish that our children will understand our pains and sacrifices later in life; but we really wouldn't mind if they don't, as long as they are on the right path to have an excellent life in the future.
We, as parents, prefer ourselves to be the person punishing our own children rather than seeing our children being punished by others in the society. "
To all the teenagers out there, I hope they will be able to read this and understand ….
“Who feels the most pain when a parent is forced to cane their own child? The parent? Or the child?
As a parent ourselves, we know pretty well that each stroke of rotan that strikes our child feels like a knife cutting through our heart - just like the saying, ‘Hit on your flesh, pain in my heart.’ Unfortunately, most of the time, we have to accept the fact that our children will not able to understand that the physical pain that they have to endure is way less than the emotional pain we have to suffer for caning them.
But, as a parent, we have to stay strong and do the right thing for our children even though it is painful for us to do so. Punishing or scolding our own child is always for the better good with a hope that our children will learn from their mistakes and excel in their life even when we are no longer around.
We certainly wish that our children will understand our pains and sacrifices later in life; but we really wouldn't mind if they don't, as long as they are on the right path to have an excellent life in the future.
We, as parents, prefer ourselves to be the person punishing our own children rather than seeing our children being punished by others in the society. "
To all the teenagers out there, I hope they will be able to read this and understand ….
"Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy."
~Robert A. Heinlein
30-Oct-2009
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